The Crown

In my semi professional opinion, unlike the 2016 U. S. election, faithful democrats aren’t screaming, storming, or marching. Rather, they are tucked in a fetal position, much like Nancy Kerrigan, saying “why why why?!.”

My wife took it worse. The grinding of her teeth made her chip a tooth and break a crown. I’m glad we have dental insurance.

No fooling.

Playoffs

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

It’s raining. I forgot my jacket. My wife threatened to leave me (not true). To Hell with Christmas. It doesn’t matter, though, because “Baseball playoffs” is the most wonderful time of the year.

I haven’t spoken this frequently with family members since last season. Baseball brings us together.

Baseball was an obsession for me growing up as a foolish youngster. I was a fan almost to the point of nausea for others. I’m no longer a fan, but I still do love the game. The most important thing I’ve learned is that it’s not just about watching baseball, but who you watch it with.

ZZ Topless

This is how blind I am. My wife and I were watching late night tv and, without my glasses, I was wondering why she watching ZZ Top. She said “Those are the Four Tops, you dumb ass.”

Now, she just walks around the house calling me dumb ass. She also calls me Ray Charles. I take that as a compliment.

The Olympics and Picnics

I remember Mary Lou and Carl Lewis at the 84 Olympics. Our family watched it collectively, and It was dynamite. Recently, my sister made a great analogy regarding the Olympics. She thought, although impressive, badminton is a game played in the backyard or at picnic gatherings. It was a funny observation. As a jerk, I convinced her lawn darts was also an Olympic event. But, instead of receiving medals, the winner would be rewarded with a lifetime supply of potato salad.

The games have changed.

VD

This may seem an unsettling title to my blog, but keep in mind I have selective attention. I tend to hear what I want to hear, or dismiss what I don’t want to hear.

My wife works for a business where they seem forbidden to speak in proper English, and instead speak in coded language and acronyms. They can’t say, “Great. Good work.” It’s “GGW”. Efficiency? Mind you, their acronyms are different than standard text acronyms such as LOL, BYOB, TNT, WTH (what the heck?!!) or GD (Gold digger). It’s more like, “Hey. You wouldn’t believe what happened at work today. I had some IBS crashing with some COD’S and they almost KFTC’d my ass.” What? I didn’t understand anything but KTFC. (I thought it she said “KFC”.) Evidently, KTFC means kill the f—ing clown, which means fire someone.

I played along for awhile, just nodding my bobblehead before saying, “Would you like more dressing for your salad, or WYLMDFYS?” ( It’s a very common text before we eat.) Which reminds me, my old man would have loved texting. Those phones would have been tossed in the nearest body of water. A river, a lake, the ocean, a toilet, a pool (same as a toilet) or just a land mass with puddles.

While my wife was talking about the VD in her place of work, I was getting a bit skittish. Finally, I asked, with some trepidation, who has a venereal disease? Her reply, “I said BD, you dumbass. Business Development.”

What the Hell is that?

Warriors and Champs

What is a champ? If you figure it out, you become the champ…the winner. You could be a part of winning the World Series. You could win the Super Bowl. These days, the NBA can suck it. A real champ loses and gets back up. Joe Frazier was a champ. Although amazing, Ali was a champ and a chump. That made him intriguing. It didn’t make him a good man.

A wise English teacher once asked the class while attending Washington State Unirversity “How do you define a warrior?” I didn’t speak much in class, or at all for that matter. The professor dismissed all their answers. I was compelled to provide the easiest answer and go home. “A warrior falls down but continues to get back up, no matter what.”

If he didn’t receive a good response, we’d been there all night.

He excused us from class.